COPING WITH RELATIONSHIP BREAK-UPS

Since there is nothing like the high of a wonderful romance, when a relationship ends the fall from grace can feel catastrophic, even when it is ultimately for the best.

Still, nobody likes giving up on a dream.

Depending on how long you’ve been coupled, breaking up is much more than losing… or even dismissing… your partner. You lose the history you’ve shared and your relationship-dreams for the future.

 AFTER A BREAK-UP, MOST PEOPLE CAN’T HELP WONDER:

1. Who am I, if not a part of this couple?
2. What will life be like in the absence of my previously designated “significant-other?
3. Will I be alone forever?
4. Am I financially able to manage?
5. Will my friends stick by me?

If you are exiting a long-term marriage, which includes children, the list gets longer. (More on this some other time.)

Sometimes, you convince yourself that anything is better than leaving.

You could be wrong. Sometimes, relationships need to end.

Somewhere between  HOPING and  MOPING, you’d do well to develop some worthwhile  COPING mechanisms.

TIPS FOR GRIEVING AFTER A BREAKUP OR DIVORCE::

1.Remember that moving on in your goal

2.Hire a good therapist or relationship specialist to help you navigate through your grieving process.

3,Create a vision for the future. Get that it may be that this is an opportunity to re-think some priorities.

4. Have your therapist help you to separate normal emotional confusion from clinical depression.

5. Trust a few friends to keep you from isolating. It is so much harder to do this alone.

6. Create a list of things, which soothe you. Be generous with yourself in indulging.

7,Stick to a routine. There’s nothing like a little structure to help you feel normal again.

8. It’s tempting…. but do not rely on drugs and alcohol… or too much food… for comfort.

9. Even if you have to force yourself, explore a new interest. The absence of a partner creates room to find new ways of adding some sparkle to your life.

 In the meantime:

 Do think about how you… yes you… may have contributed to the downfall of your relationship. (This is a good thing to talk about with your therapist.)

Don’t stalk your ex… you’ll only make things worse for yourself

Most of all… do give yourself time to heal.